Tuesday, 15 September 2009


Not in that way, sillies.

Well, after all your excellent comments I did decide to go with revising PoloGRRL. And predictably, it's moving along at wildfire pace; after only a few days I'm already to Chapter 12, more than 1/10 through. It's all playing out wonderfully.

And yet.

It's a very interesting process because this one needs so much less work, and work in a different way, than Forester's Son does. And yet, I love them both equally well. But they're my characters and they've been with me since their beginnings.

That is one thing that really has been eating at me lately. I mean, we're gonna have a kid, one we've waited and longed for for a loooong time, with many setbacks along the way. But right now, that kid is (in a way) just a figment of my imagination, too, you know?

As my husband says, vomit in the toilet and a videogame on the ultrasound screen. And he/she has to share space with P, with Jakob, with Des, and right now he/she just seems one of my characters in there, because it's too early to know if boy/girl, feel any kicking or anything. Not even any morning sickness any more. So...a figment of my imagination.

Does that make sense?

I'm totally weirding myself out right now.

And then the baby will come out, and no longer be a figment of my imagination (somehow), but real. And the change will be that my characters remain in my head, but the baby is out, and alive.

And that will be weird, and I don't know what to think about it.

You? Did you write before your babies were born? How did it change the way you viewed your characters?


Erin Halm said...

For me, the experience of motherhood added a whole new dimension to my understanding of life, love, frustration and the ups and downs of human relations.

I think you will be able to write better, even stronger characters after becoming a mother. It is an experience that defies words in many ways, but one that will affect the way you see yourself, the way you see your husband, your own parents and other parents, and your understanding of unconditional love and loyalty. It will also open up a whole new array of fears and neuroses for you to constantly freak out about.

If all of this isn´t fodder for good fiction, I don´t know what is.

Hilary Wagner ~ Writer said...

When I was pregnant with my son (my first hellion) I felt the same way--that he was a figment! I was very worried about how I'd feel once the baby came. Will I still have this unattached feeling? Long story short, the second I saw my wrinkled, little guy my life changed forever. It's like this whole new part of your mind and heart opens up (not to be mushy). As Erin said, it is an experience that defies words! You will see! You will love your little one more than an entire field of cuddly possums!! I guarantee it! No figment!

xoxo -- Hilary

P.S. My writing stayed the same I think, but I'm more attached to my child characters than ever!!

Heidi Willis said...

I wasn't really writing before my kids came along. Well, not in that hollow between college and kids anyway, so it's hard to know if my writing would have changed.

But each kid became much less figment and much more real when I could feel them kicking my bladder and physically see their body parts sticking out of me. We used to love watching Ian do somersaults, his little elbow sticking straight out of my stomach, traveling from one side to the other.

Come to think of it, if I'd been writing then, I might have switched to sci-fi for a while. :)

(As for writing, I'd count on your characters taking a backseat when the sprog comes, just for a teensy bit. babies tend to be very demanding that way. But in short order, you will have them all figured out, and they will all be very real - just in different ways. Mostly because babies are really cuddly and sometimes stinky.)