You are messing with my mind. And my body. Why, do you ask?
Well, as we get further into this, I'm being made VERY aware of the body/mind separation. The body is a very old, very traditional thing. It does its thing, growing the baby, taking what it needs, doing its baby making...whether or not my mind actually agrees with what it's doing. And if the body is tired, it doesn't matter technically what the mind wants to do. The mind is, basically, screwed.
And it's so weird to think that there is such a separation. I never thought it before. But it's true: the mind is just the topping on the cake. The cake will do its thing regardless.
It's not you. It's me. Well, maybe it's a bit you. Why? The people that ask to touch the belly (even when I assure that there is nothing to feel there yet) astound me. But the people that just reach out to do it with no advance warning? They freak me out more.
I mean as in, literally freak me out.
Please do me a favour and remember this : there's something like one in six women that was physically (sexually) or emotionally abused as a young child. I'm one of them.
For these women, you invading their space and, in some cases (as what actually happened to me the other day and why I am including this in this post) giving them a flashback - back to that time, back to the insecurity, the fear, the ... lack of control ... everything. The whole kit-n-caboodle, as they say.
It is not fun, I assure you.
The nice thing (I suppose) is that this happened, and I did find out that it is very common for survivors of abuse to have these feelings and flashbacks during pregnancy, because it is a very losing control type of time. So now I'm working through these new issues (after the time I thought I had dealt with everything stemming from it. *sigh*)
It's just so odd to have this happen and realize how prevalent it is. And how absolutely, utterly determined I am, bar NOTHING, that anything bad will happen to you, little Loks, if I can help it. Or if your papa can help it. We got your back, little baby.