Monday, 20 December 2010

It's those little things you remember...

So I put Loki's favourite overalls on this morning. Girl needs to represent her farm mum at some point, and she recently scored a pair of (cupcake embroidered, I'll admit not very farmy) denim coveralls that were perfect for the cold (-12!!) here in Berlin.

I am amazed to say that after her last wear of these (a week ago!) these overalls have now gone on to be ... overall/capris.


That word fills me with remembered terror.

Did you have that problem? I sure did. Achingly. I'm perfectly willing to own the label geek or dork now, but when I was in 4th and 5th grade those words cut like a freaking KNIFE. And what makes it worse is I never really got it, until they made fun of my jeans. (The one MAJOR reason I'll hope and pray Loki is never, ever the popular one. They have no compassion. Or the ones I grew up with didn't). Anyways, I never cared about the length of my jeans until the others in the class made an issue of it.

To see these short overalls on my girl shocked me back to that sunny day when everything around me became a little less sunny, my inward blissful dreamworld shattered, showing me how mean people could be. I could ignore one, but there were more than one. More than one day, one person, one pair of jeans...

To go through that pain when you're young, that bullying, the meanness that is uniquely kids...I'm so happy I'm over it. I know it helped me capture emotions for my writing, and gave me the wellspring of pain to write from that makes me a good writer, now that I've learned to harness it. I do believe it made me a stronger person.

But it fills me with dread and fear for Loki, who is not yet able to defend herself. I want her to be an independent, free thinker that doesn't cave to other kids and their misbegotten expectations, but I know she'll have to fight that fight for herself**.

But, dammit, it won't be over highwaters. I'll be sure of that.


**and it goes without saying she'll have our full support and love to do whatever she wants-and that her papa will have to hide the Objects That Can Injure should someone try to bully her.

1 comment:

Heidi Willis said...

Ah... the life and worries of a parent. If it's not one thing, it's another.

At Loki's age, though, everything is mostly too big or too small... and right sized for about a week. They grow so darn fast.

I'm sure Loki will have an incredible sense of self and independence.... something her mom and dad have given her... a gift that's far more valuable than fitting overalls. :)